Jason often tells me I’m too hard on myself. You see, I’m constantly trying to bridge the gap between the multiple sides of myself that I haven’t quite figured out, and whenever I can’t find the time or ability or money to take care of each side equally, I end up feeling disappointed. Often, this disappointment spirals into a minor form of depression, and then I must fight twice as hard to even accomplish half of what I set out to do.
The truth is, there are just too many things I want. I am a victim of having too many options. And my options don’t stop at shoe color or chocolate bar, but the choices in my life are vast and numerous and sometimes it just all feels like too much. There are too many people I aspire to be, and I feel as though my hopes, dreams, and desires are constantly in flux.
I’m full of several alter-egos that I’m constantly trying to understand and balance. I feel like on any given day I see a woman I admire, and I want to emulate her, and it usually comes off a tad ridiculous, but needless to say, it could use a bit more exploring.
So, for the next few weeks, that’s just what I’ll be doing. I’ll be exploring the styles, habits, hobbies, etc., of the type of women I admire. I’ll be figuring out what I like, what I don’t like, and more importantly, who I could be.